It's not delivery...It's de Blogthings

My friend from San Diego, Adrian Lankford, once told me he reads my blog because I'm spicy.

Guess what, Adrian? When I took the Blogthings pizza personality poll, I discovered I'm a plain ol' cheese pizza pie. How blah can you get?

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Fave Online Writing Site Hosts a Blog

If I had to pick out the top influences on my writing journey, the Next Big Writer online writing workshop would certainly be among the top three.

Two years ago, I joined this site. I have belonged to several other sites, free and fee-paying, and Next Big Writer is definitely the best.

In two years, I've gotten 950 reviews (which means I've given 950 reviews, too) of at least 50 words or more. I can't tell you how much I've learned from other writers reading and reviewing my work and by reading theirs.

The way it works is you have to earn review points to post your own work. I've won two contests on the site and had fun participating in others. I've gotten an incredible amount of helpful feedback from fellow writers in the past two years. I've also gotten some dopey feedback which is almost always good for entertainment value.

When I first joined the site I was a really young creative writer (less than a year writing), and it seemed there was always high drama all the time in the forums.

The developer and owner Sol really wanted the site to succeed and not be dominated by certain unruly and obnoxious sorts. So he tossed all the nasties off the site and runs a very tight ship ever since. It's not as much high drama anymore, so obviously the forums aren't as entertaining if you consider the literary equivalent of professional wrestling entertainment. It's almost like everyone on the forums is on Prosac (I kn0w I am) or at the very least on pretty good behavior.

Some of that drama even spilled over onto this blog. Last September someone from this site visited anonymously and trashed my blog based on a snarky post I wrote about a woman who wanted to drop out of my face-to-face writing group. It was the most cantankerous exchange I'd ever had with a commenter following a blog post, and one I hope never to have again. She behaved so badly (at least I think it was a she), that I almost prohibited anonymous comments thereafter.

Today, the reviews are still helpful and the contests are engaging (I'm in one right now called the Strongest Novel Start. The first prize winner gets a $2,000 edit from iPublisher.)

But the best thing about Next Big Writer is it's where I met Kirk and Adrian (Stories, Ideas and Diversions), both of whom I got to meet in the flesh this year. Adrian has been a great bloggie friend. Kirk is the best, truest-blue writing partner a person could have. He's read almost everything I've written and helped me grow as writer more than any other person in the real world and in cyberspace combined.

So stop in on the Next Big Writer Blog. If you stop in on the site and decide to sign up for a membership, I get a pair of diamond earrings or something like that. Maybe that was ziamond earrings valued at $8.

'Milkman' Author Goes 2%--This Time with 'DEEP SIX'!

Hold onto your milk bottles, cats and kittens. Ian Healy's novel, DEEP SIX, was named one of the 100 finalists in the Amazon Breakout Novel Contest, making him in the top two percent of all submissions!

How fantastic is that! Talk about an extraordinary accomplishment.

You can help make our fellow bloggie a top ten finalist. Right now he needs reviews from the masses, as many possible to advance.

Here's what you can do to help: Go to the page. Read the excerpt. Write a review for it. The reviews will carry weight, so every little bit helps. If Ian makes the Top 10, it becomes a popularity contest, with amazon.com customers voting for the winner.

So if you're snowed in like me today, put your copy of THE MILKMAN aside for the time being, and go give him a great review on his new book. And tell him gem sent you.

Men are from Mars!

This year . . . gulp! . . . I turn fifty.

In fairness, along with the start of crow's feet and other lovely wrinkles, I have also acquired an extra helping of wisdom and savoire faire about life in general through the years, except in one critical area.

One thing I've learned for a fact since I've been writing creatively is that I don't understand men.

Five of my most faithful reviewers/readers of my new book are men. Every one of them (and you know who you are) has said things that have completely shocked me and my world view.

Remember the old Judy Collins song "Both Sides Now."

I can say without equivocation that "I really don't know men at all."

I've made my male characters do certain things and my reviewers said things like, "A man would never do that."

Okay.

The sad part is that I thought they might have done what I had them doing or saying in the book.

Men really intrigue me--how their minds work, how their minds work in conjunction with their bodies.

My husband tends to be quiet in some contexts, but is definitely more of a private person than me. (I mean, he would never jump on a blog and say, "I don't understand women.") Plus he's not a typical male, except in the most important way a man can be typical -- in loving women, particularly me. He's an eco-liberal-humanitarian straight shooter. Definitely more Earth than Mars, that's for sure.

So despite being married to a man for almost 23 years, I don't feel like I understand men well at all.

And it's kind of funny. I feel like my male reviewers are disappointed in me when I've misrepresented them.

I'll try harder, gentlemen. But damn, you're a queer lot.

Audiobooks---the good, the bad, and the ugly

Since I have a forty minute ride to work every day, I decided to listen to audiobooks. I spend so much of my free time writing. But writers need to read, too, so I thought this was a good compromise.

I also thought this would give me a great chance to really listen for technique, for instance, how much back story is used and how, use of flashback, transitions, dialogue and dialogue tags, etc., more so than for plot, since I'm listening to books I've already read for that reason.

Not all audiobooks are created equal. Some books that are perfectly enjoyable are less so in their audio version. Some more so. I think I've figured out why.

Some books with graphic content are so over-the-top when listened to aloud. Compound that with an over-the-top audio reader, and you have a recipe for ruining a wonderful book.

Here's an example. One of my favorite books written in the last five years is THE LOVELY BONES. The storyline is very sad since it details a senseless act of violence:

The Lovely Bones

Author	Alice Sebold
Cover artist	Yoori Kim (design); Daniel Lee (photo-illustration)
Country	United States
Language	English
Genre(s)	Novel
Publisher	Little, Brown
Publication date	2002
Media type	Print (Hardback and Paperback); audio book
Pages	328 pp
ISBN	ISBN 0-316-66634-3

The Lovely Bones is a 2002 novel by Alice Sebold. It is the story of a teenage girl who, after being brutally raped and murdered, watches from heaven as her family and friends go on with their lives, while she herself comes to terms with her own death. The novel received a great deal of critical praise and became an instant bestseller.

The narrator of the audio book is a stage actress. Her diction is too over-the-top for an intimate medium like an audiobook. She actually pronounced the word 'hurriedly' as a four-syllable word.

Can you say 'pretentious'?

Sebold's lovely story is often graphic in detail--for instance, the neighbor's dog carries home this girl's elbow early on in the story. And we've got over-acting woman reading this story like she's back on stage, acting in her Greek tragedies. The combined effect is so strong, too strong, and the book on audiotape is hardly bearable. It reminded me of opera stars trying to sing pop music, like if Luciano Pavarotti, rest his soul, were to sing 'Feelings.'

Whereas I listened to a young film actress Rachel Leigh Cook read THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. She was very good. Artless. Not over done. I enjoyed that one as an audio book more than I enjoyed the book.

I also like narrator of Janet Evanovich's books. She's a stage actress, too, but the characters in those books are so colorful, the over-the-top diction doesn't detract from the story much. In fact, it kind of works.

Then I tried to listen a Nora Roberts audio book and the narrator had a thick Irish accent. That lasted about one minute. Again, just too much for a very intimate medium. Why Nora Roberts. Writing coach Donald Maass compliments Roberts on her plot layers. I never read Nora Roberts before and thought I'd give her a listen based on Maass' recommendation.

If my book ever gets published and becomes an audiobook, I want a say in who reads it. I don't want it ruined by a stage actress too self-absorbed to change her reading style to suit the medium.

Major Props for E-Dog

Ian Healy of (EDog's Everything Page), one of my bloggies and a cheering squad member, entered the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest and was named a semi-finalist. That alone was a substantial accomplishment. Then he scored two great reviews for his "breakout novel" Deep Six, including this glowing one from Publisher's Weekly:

"An inspired cast of rogues captures the imagination in this solid, engrossing debut novel about an underground government prison for super powered criminals in Montana. Soon after heroine Katie Malone begins a new job as a corrections officer at the prison, the staff admits the newly captured and near-indestructible Misrule, a criminal mastermind and former gang leader of the now-disbanded Cult of Destruction. A classic battle of good (superhero task force Just Cause) versus evil (Misrule’s new army) ensues after Misrule takes control of the prison, re-forming the old criminal gang and forcing Katie and love interest Foster to cobble together a plan to stop the violent misfits from controlling more than just the prison. Clever language and stellar descriptions of special powers ranging from invisibility to arms that morph into swords add to the creativity of the novel. Katie makes for a strong and likable feminist lead, and the swift and well-sewn-together plot action is nothing less than transporting."

Not everyone who made the semi-finals fared as well. Four other writers I know were ... well...panned.

Congratulations, Ian. Personally, I think this book is as good as published with a review like this from Publisher's Weekly. WAY TO GO, E-DOG!!! Hope you make it to the finals!

I FINISHED MY BOOK!

Hooray! Hallelujah! Hoo-hah!

I finished a complete draft of my book: 332 pages and 79,569 words.

The completion of the draft meant adding five more chapters, while deleting three that no longer supported the plot line.

The first three-quarters of my manuscript is quite polished, having been through numerous editing passes whereas the last quarter is pretty green. I wanted to submit my manuscript to another international novel competition. The deadline was today at 12 G.S.T., which is 7 p.m. for me. Determined to finish, despite losing all the pages I wrote yesterday from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m. because the file got corrupted when I tried to add headers, I recreated all the copy I wrote yesterday, and sent it off at 6:18.

I had to make this deadline. I had to finish one draft. Nothing happens in the world of publishing without a finished manuscript.

So, I'm celebrating! I poured a big glass of wine and intend to have another.

Because once you finish your book, that's when the fun begins...for real.

Thanks for letting me share this milestone with you. Thanks for being the world's greatest cheering squad, for checking up on me, and spurring me on to complete my book.

Are you feeling the love? You should be, because I am feeling the wine.

By the way, the new name for my novel is (and I'm pretty confident this will stick) THE SHAKER PROPOSAL.

And the winner is . . .

My nomination for greatest husband of the year award is...

Bill!

Today, when we were driving into Reading, I warned him I had too much coffee, and that we might have to stop along the way, because my bladder must have shrunk to the size of a golfball, a manifestation of aging, midlife, or both.

Bill patted my knee and said, "Hon, in all the years we're married, that's the only part of you that hasn't gotten BETTER over time!"

How's that for a sweet thing to say to your wife who turns 50 this year!

* * *

Book update: Good news, Cheering Squad. Even after major cuts and revisions and this included an vetting by a professional, every member of the cheering squad is still in the book.

Hooray. I hope to keep it that way.

Surprise, surprise, surprise

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

The funniest commercial that's not supposed to be.

An absolutely rip-roaringly hilarious new commercial is for the E.D. drug Viagra.

The premise is a jam session for a bunch of dudes in their mid-fifties singing an acoustic ode, "Viva Viagra."

Since I can't seem to download YouTube videos any longer, here's the link.

The first time I saw it, I thought, why are all these over-the-hill, middle-aged guys in this TV commercial, singing about being "a lonesome toad who's tired of the road", "who can't wait to get home" to their wives to do the deed.

I felt very guilty for two seconds, and then I laughed my head off.

If you haven't seen it, you are truly missing a laugh-my-ass-off funny commercial that's not trying to be funny.

Oh, Viva Viagra indeed.

My Ideal Superhero Date!

Thank God for research.

In trying to find a quick compatibility test Grace could give to both suitors, I found this Superhero Dating Quiz.

Of course, I had to take it--the test for women, mind you. There's one for men, too.

Here's what it told me.



What a hoot!

So, readers, who's your ideal superhero date?